Five Ways to Put My Kids Through College

As your corporate and IP lawyer, I would like to thank you for the situations into which you get yourself, extraction from which requires the payment of substantial sums of cash to me. Far more cash, it must be said, than you would have paid me had you brought the situation to me in the first place.

Anyway, here’s how to put my kids through college.

5. Promise employees and other people lots of stock, but don’t paper anything with actual contracts. Come to your lawyer a year or more later asking for “corporate cleanup.” This will take weeks, not days. Oooo… I am salivating.

4. Start using your brand name in commerce without doing a trademark search first. “But I didn’t copy their logo!” you’ll scream when they sue you. Doesn’t matter. Give me all your money.

3. Flirt with the help. Date the help. Boink the help. Just go ahead and hand me your wallet right now. (Wipe it down first.)

2. Allow yourself to be seduced by an investor’s checkbook and hard bargaining style and just sign whatever agreement s/he sends you. Ivy League here we come!

And the number one way to put my kids through college:

1. Collect a lot of personally identifiable information from your users and don’t pay a whole lot of attention to data security law! Holy cow. Thanks! I might just retire and go back for that PhD myself.

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